I know I have been slacking on this blog the last month, but so much has come up. Lost a loved one, someone very important to me, and the family, my beautiful grandmother. I still can’t sum up in words how I feel about her not being on this earth anymore. And then, there is the everyday stress of life and work. I lost my motivation to write for a while. Although, I have been tempted many times to pick it back up, but when I sit there in front of the screen, or in front of that paper, my emotions spill out right in front of me, unable to gather my thoughts and separate them as I try to work on my book. Instead, I end up with a journal like entry, and just delete the entire thing. Well, someone broke me from my gloomy trance the other day. I mean, I must have been so far gone, so out of tune, keeping to myself, if a simple reminder, a text from a friend, “You have friends you know? =)” opens my eyes to just how distant I was being.
I have always kept my feelings and emotions to myself. I hate drama, and I am always so worried to dump my life on to people I care about. I guess I never stopped to ask myself, “Do I have friends that care enough, that wouldn’t mind if I spill what’s been hurting me?” I have always been the listening, I am just not used to being the talker. It’s nice to have a friend, that slaps you around a bit, brings your mind back to earth and tells you, “We love you.”
More and more people have been approaching me, offering a shoulder, offering both listening ears, offering some time to take my mind off everything. And I am finding my stress to drift slowly away. With all the free room in the back of my mind, I have found myself drifting off to happier thoughts, old memories, beautiful memories, fun memories. I’ve thought about all the people that ever told me how much they love me, how beautiful I am, how charming I can be when I am not tripping on everything on the ground when I am always looking up. I start thinking about some of the great people I’ve spent time with, that looks at life in a certain way, who’ve taught me and inspired me to laugh at the small things, and take the big things with small, easy steps. There have been only a few people who I feel have made me the person I am today, and I need to remember, always, that I need to remain the person I’ve become, and not recline, I need to make them proud. They have put so much love and care into me, I would hate to make all that precious time spent with them, a waste.
One thought leads me to another, and here I am, back and inspired to keep doing better. Take all my pain, all my most loved memories, all my happiness, and put it all together, and complete a masterpiece and accomplish a long-dreamed goal. I won’t stop till it is finished. Book one will be completed, and I pray to God, there will be more influences to inspire me to writing more and more.
And on another note, I must get my hands on more canvas! I have run out and my mind has been going wild ever since the switch was turned back on! I’ve been sketching non-stop, I need to plaster all these thoughts with paint on canvas. I hope to be back here, continuing to post, whether people read this or not, it feels so good to get off my chest. To those who do read, I adore you, you are my inspiration.